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How to Orgasm During Sex: The One Thing You’re Not Doing Yet

Glamour magazine article 9/22/2015

Dear Emily,
I’ve never had an orgasm with my partner.

When I masturbate on my own, I can have multiple orgasms solely from touching my clitoris, but I really want to be able to climax from sex, and it isn’t happening. Don’t get me wrong—sex feels good for me, and my boyfriend tries really hard to pleasure me. We do lots of foreplay beforehand, he performs oral sex on me often, and we’ve tried toys. I’m just worried that my vagina isn’t sensitive enough to actually get me there. Is this normal?


Let me make one thing clear: There’s nothing wrong with you or your body if you don’t have orgasms from sex alone (or simply have trouble with it). In fact, you’re like most women on the planet!

But here’s the good news: It’s not impossible. And you’re on the right track—experimenting with your body during solo sessions, doubling up on foreplay, and pulling in some extra help from toys are all great steps, and all things I recommend to everyone. It certainly helps to have a partner who’s more than willing to put in the effort too! There isstill one more thing you probably haven’t tried (or forgot about) that could be considered the holy orgasm grail for many women: Kegel exercises.

Kegel exercises strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, which can help you have better sex and more intense orgasms. And if “intense orgasms” wasn’t enough to sway you, don’t let the word exercise turn you off: You can practice your Kegels anywhere, and they’re so easy to do that you can knock them out in five minutes a day.

How to do it: Start by instinctively squeezing the muscles you’d use to stop the flow of urine. Got ’em? Great. Now hold them in (squeeeeze!) for 10 seconds, and then relax for 10 seconds. Build up to five sets of 10 squeezes. As you get more advanced, there are several variations and speeds to try (and I can get to that another day!), but the most important part is just sticking with them.

Here’s how this magical exercise translate into better sex: The muscles that you’re strengthening, also known as the “pc” (pubococcygeus) muscles, are the same ones that contract during an orgasm. If you strengthen and tone them with regular workouts, it will amplify those sensations and make it easier to reach climax during sex.
Having strong pelvic floor muscles will also make your vagina feel tighter, potentially making your orgasm much more intense. So, you know, bonus!

One of the hardest parts of keeping up with your Kegels is knowing how to do them RIGHT. Luckily, there’s now a new addition to your goodie drawer that actually does you Kegels for you, and can give you orgasms in the process! The Intensity by Pour Moi is an innovative “sexual wellness meets sex toy” product that is a total pelvic floor game-changer. It takes al the effort out of Kegels, leaving nothing but the benefits!

After a few weeks of dedicated Kegel exercises, that vaginal orgasm should come at last. If not, you’ll still have increased sensitivity, heightened orgasms (yes, even clitoral ones) and a healthy pelvic floor.


Emily Morse is a sexologist, host of the Sex With Emily podcast, and cofounder of the intimate care line Emily & Tony. She has a doctorate in human sexuality and is the author of Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight and a weekly cohost of the nationally syndicated radio show Loveline With Dr. Drew Pinsky.

Your Secret Weapon for Better Orgasms by Emily Morse (Sex with Emily)


Out of blue, I got a call one day from a friend’s husband who works at a high end investment firm in Los Angeles. I’d met him at a few cocktail parties but we’d never talked business before.

“Hi Emily, there’s a medical company on the cutting edge of innovation, and they came to us for an investment, and you’re the expert in this sexual wellness space, so it’d be great for to come to our offices to see what you think of these products.”

He’s a more conservative guy, so I was particularly interested that he was calling me to talk sex toys. I drove to his high rise penthouse offices, displaying spectacular views of Los Angeles, and he hands me a stack of boxes that read “INTENSITY: An intimate health and stimulation device” from

“Let me know what you think, I have no idea about sex toys (he whispers under his breath) but this product claims to use some groundbreaking technology and have health benefits. Can you try it and let me know if you think and if it’s worth our investment?”

I thanked him, and left with boxes in hand, and assured him I’d report back with my professional opinion (have I mentioned how much I love my job?) 

So why makes the Intensity by Pour Moi so ground-breaking?

Well, what If I told you someone could do your sit-ups for you, you’d have a six pack and all you have to do is lie on your back for a few minutes a day?  Would you sign up?

This product does the same thing, but it strengthens your pelvic floor muscles. If you’re thinking, “Sounds great, but why do I care about these muscles again?” let me explain…

When the pelvic floor muscles are strong, women have greater sexual satisfaction, stronger orgasms and higher levels of arousal. The problem is, just like any other muscle, the pelvic floor muscles atrophy over time. For women, this leads to many serious problems with orgasms, arousal and urinary incontinence, just to name a few.

But don’t worry, ladies – Kegels can help! They make everything tighter and more toned down there, and the more you do your exercises, working these internal muscles, they become stronger and so do your orgasms (bonus!)

I’m so committed to the importance of Kegel Exercises that I launched a phone app a few years ago called “Kegel Camp” that allows you to set a daily reminder so you’ll never forget to do them again.

When I first launched the app, religiously did my Kegel exercises for 5 minutes a day for three months. The results were tremendous. In about two weeks, I was experiencing the strongest most intense orgasms I had ever felt, like none other that have come before.

My pelvic floor muscles were tighter which completely changed up my entire sex game. With the Intensity, I’m experiencing the same results – ONLY BETTER – because the Intensity adjusts to fit any body and helps to target the correct muscles so I know I’m doing the exercises correctly.

Studies show that 43% of women experience difficulty enjoying sex at some point in their lives. Age, childbirth and stress all play an active role in women’s ability to participate in and enjoy sex.  I’m convinced healthy pelvic floor muscles will improve many of the issues that women face today around sexual health and desire, which is why the Intensity is such a game-changer.

I asked the rest of the Sex With Emily team (Laurie, Madison and Alyssa) to break down the basics of the Intensity to help you get the most out of your experience. Here’s what they had to say…


Before you introduce this device to your lady parts, you’re probably going to want to know what it is. The Intensity can best be described as transvaginal stimulation device. Originally, the Intensity was designed to treat anorgasmic women and women with urinary incontinence, so naturally, the two main outcomes of using it are stronger pelvic floor (PC) muscles and more frequent, intense orgasms. You’d be hard-pressed to find a woman who doesn’t want to be tighter and come harder.intensity-box-device-gel

At first glance, the Intensity looks a lot like a rabbit vibrator with a wide handle. It has a shaft, an external clitoral vibrator attached to the shaft, and an inflation pump located at the base. The inflation pump is there to customize the fit of the Intensity to each individual vagina. Inflating it ensures that the muscle stimulators are in direct contact with the user’s pelvic floor muscles. If you’ve inflated it too much, there is a black air release button on the underside of the Intensity that will deflate it to a more comfortable girth. Pain should never be a part of your experience with the Intensity.

Also on the base are the buttons which control the vibration and stimulation of the Intensity. What do I mean by stimulation? Well, on the shaft of the Intensity, there are two stainless steel pads. These are the muscle stimulators; the most innovative part of the toy. These muscle stimulators come into direct contact with your pelvic floor muscles, conduct a slight electrical current, and do your Kegel exercises for you intravaginally. There are 10 intensity levels of stimulation, start with level one and increase slowly over time, making sure to always feel a full muscle contraction.

In addition to the workout your pelvic floor muscles get from the Intensity, it also comes with two separate vibrators. There is an internal G-spot vibrator just at the base of the shaft, and a clitoral rabbit vibrator on the outside of the device. There are 5 intensity levels of vibration. The controls are located on the handle, V for vibration and S for stimulation.

The intensity is powered by 4 AAA batteries and is 100% medical grade silicone. It is not waterproof, but can be easily cleaned with a damp cloth. When using the Intensity, it is imperative to read all the enclosed instructions before use and make sure to apply the Pour Moi electrode gel to the metallic stimulation pads.


Upon first unveiling my brand new Intensity, I couldn’t help but feel a little intimidated. There are a lot more functions than your average toy, and a hell of a lot more buttons to push, so I decided to get the lay of the land before I brought it anywhere near my vagina. I powered it on and off, inflated and deflated it a few times to get a feel for the inflation pump, and even tested the vibration strength. Once I felt more comfortable with the wide array of buttons and functions, I started to feel more comfortable with the device overall and was ready to play!

Something I discovered early on (and this is true for all insertable sex toys, but especially with Intensity) is that it helps to be relaxed before using. Some might rely on alcohol or yoga to loosen themselves up – I decided to masturbate first. This was an AWESOME call for several reasons: The orgasms helped me release any vaginal tension I was storing up and also produced natural lubrication, both of which made the insertion process a whole lot smoother. Also, breaking the orgasm seal made me a lot more sensitive down-there and helped me to enjoy a couple more Intensity-induced orgasms during my “workout”. I definitely recommend it!

Before actually inserting Intensity into your vagina, a couple more steps need to be taken. For starters, you need to wash it! Make sure the device is 100% OFF, then wipe it down using a mild, unscented soap, warm water and a wash cloth. Once it is thoroughly rinsed and dried, apply a dime-sized amount of the electrode gel to each of the stimulation contacts (AKA the metal plates) and the tip of the device. If you’ve used enough gel and have masturbated before insertion, you probably won’t need any additional lubricant, but you can opt for a water-based lube if you like.

Once Intensity is cleaned and has the proper dressings, it is ready for use!


After knocking out a couple orgasms and applying the electrode gel, I got ready to assume the position. There are two suggested ways that you can use the Intensity: you can lie on your back with your pelvis flat, knees bent toward the ceiling and pillows under your head and back, or on your side with knees and hips bent. I found it to be more comfortable lying on my back, but that’s just a personal preference. I recommend trying both to see what you like better. After all, comfort is key!

Before actually inserting the device, I made sure that it was completely off and was fully deflated, as per the instructions. Then I gently and slowly inserted the probe until it was in all the way in and sat comfortably inside me.

Next comes the inflation part. I have to be honest, finding the exact comfortability level (not too big, but pumped up enough so that it fills you up) is kind of like a vaginal version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. It took me a little while, but once I found the perfect level of inflation (one pump to start), I hit the power button and started exploring the vibration and stimulation functions.

The Intensity boasts powerful clitoral and internal vibrations that really do rock your world, but that’s not this device’s only purpose. So how do you know it’s working your PC muscles and not just providing pleasure? That’s where the stimulation levels come in. Start with Level 1 and work your way up – if the Intensity is positioned correctly, you should be able to feel your PC muscles contracting around the probe, even at the lowest intensity level. If you aren’t experiencing any contractions, you might need to try rotating it 90 degrees to find the perfect alignment.

The first time I used Intensity, level one was “intense” enough for me to feel my muscles contract, and I was totally blown away! You can truly feel your body and muscles building and strengthening as the device works it’s magic. As I’ve gotten more used to the device, I’ve been able to move up a level in stimulation, but it’s better to start at a lower setting until you’re totally familiar with the feeling and the response.

After discovering the perfect settings, I just laid back, relaxed and enjoyed Intensity working the oh-so-important PC muscles for 5-10 minutes. I usually like to change up the vibration settings and will hit orgasm within about 5 minutes on average, always working to at least one or more in the entire session (because I’m a bit greedy when it comes to orgasms). If you’re a visual person, find a dirty movie or some kind of mental stimulation (dirty magazine, erotica etc.) and enjoy a great masturbation session while you are also strengthening your body, sex life and future orgasms!

Remember, this is just like going to the gym in that if you stop using it, you will lose the progress you’ve built – except that the gym usually takes more than 10 minutes and doesn’t (usually) end in orgasms.

Amazing story from a user of Intensity!

Please highlight this miracle device on The Doctors or Dr. Oz. I want to put a bumpersticker on my car about it….anything to get the word out. I had a severe episiotomy my first birth. My stitches fell out by day 3. I was very loose. My husband is small. I could barely feel him, he could barely feel me. I have been told \”do kegels\” every annual physical. I began suffering stress incontinence and hemorrhoids….considering surgery! Then 2 weeks ago I got the Intensity. It made my pc muscles contract. My incontinence is GONE. My hemorrhoids are much better. I feel better. I feel more of my husband now. It is changing my life for the BETTER. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I am 42 and am telling all my closest friends about this device.

C.C. in FL

New statistics from the Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health – Intensity vs “the rabbit”. Intensity scores higher with women who have experienced difficulty having orgasm!

At the recent AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counelors and Teachers) conference in Minneapolis, MN, Debra Herbenick, Ph.D., MPH, research scientist and associate director of the Center, announced results of a study done between Intensity and “the rabbit”.

Among women with “no difficulty having orgasms”, Intensity scored about the same as the rabbit.  But what was great to hear is that women who may have never had or do have difficulty having orgasms, Intensity scored higher!

The features of the device, inflation, stimulation, internal and external vibration have a lot to do with that.  It makes the device very unique and flexible to find the right way to use it that works for you.  And knowing that each time you do use the stimulation portion, you are doing yourself a great benefit by strengthening your pelvic floor is something no other intimate health device does!  It is truly one of a kind.

Quotes from Dr. Thacker at the Cleveland Clinic!

“The InControl devices are game changers in the treatment of urinary incontinence, fecal incontinence and female orgasmic dysfunction.”

“It is terrific that there are safe, effective, over the counter options for women with stress incontinence (APEX) and female sexual function (Intensity) for women who want to strengthen their pelvic floor, improve bladder control and enhance sexual function.”

Holly L. Thacker MD, FACP, CCD, NCMP

Professor and Director, Center for Specialized Women’s Health

OB-GYN and Women’s Health Institute

Cleveland Clinic Lerner College of Medicine of CWRU

Executive Director, Speaking of Women’s Health

Dr. Ava Cadell – America’s #1 Sexpert

Dr. Ava’s review of Intensity!

Dr. Ava Cadell,  as a Clinical Sexologist, AASECT Certified Sex Counselor, Hypnotherapist, Founder of and President of the American College of Sexologists International.

I’ve been curious to try the Intensity sexerciser since it arrived at my office in its appealing hot pink and white box. And I should point out right away that it’s made in U.S.A. – I love that!

Inside the box are beautifully laid out instruction booklet which I duly read, noting that you’re supposed to empty your bladder before use. On a side note, I have recently been thinking about how women are always told to pee as soon as we feel the urge to avoid bladder infections, but then we’re not using our PC muscles, are we? I need to see more research on that.

But whatever your opinion on bladder retention, the Intensity is more than capable of doing the job of strengthening PC muscles. And in case you don’t know what I’m talking about, PC muscles are the pubococcygeus muscles, or ‘kegel‘ muscles, or ‘pelvic floor’ muscles that are so helpful for things like holding in pee! Not to mention having mind-blowing sex…

Here are the benefits to exercising the pelvic floor, which all lead to a more fulfilling sex life:

1.  Less chance of urinary incontinence due to aging

2. Stronger uterus during pregnancy, in preparation for childbirth

3. Orgasmic awareness and stronger orgasms. 

Multi-Tasking Toy

This innovative device is not only a PC muscle stimulator with ten levels of intensity marked by the ‘S’ control, but it’s also a rabbit vibrator with five vibe speeds that range from extremely buzzworthy to off the charts powerful.


Muscle Stimulation

The cool thing about the Intensity is that it is the only product to actually stimulate the PC muscles for you, through ‘silver stimulation contacts’ that deliver gentle electric signals to the muscles.

A word of caution. Test out the levels of current on your hand before you insert the Intensity into your vagina. I used the very lowest setting, so you want to make sure you cycle through the levels first. They wisely recommend beginning with level one. Caution: If you feel pain or discomfort, stop using the Intensity.

With this unique feature, I can definitely see why they call it “Intensity!” And as their literature promises, it does very easily identify the muscles for you, allowing you to isolate them properly for a targeted workout. Often when women do kegels on their own (which I also recommend), they are strengthening their abdomen muscles more vigorously than the actual PC muscles, since they are difficult to isolate.

Inflation & Vibration

According to the instructions, you lube up your silicone exerciser with water-based lube (silicone lube could break down the material) and insert into the vagina about four inches, while lying on your back with your knees bent and pointing up. You can put pillows under your shoulders and back to be more comfortable.

The next step is to use the balloon like end of the handle to inflate the shaft, which can expands extraordinarily. This is another feature I would test out before insertion, just to see how it works, and how many pumps it takes to give you the girth you’re looking for. I will say if you’re a fan of girth, this is the toy for you! And it’s easy to find the big black button directly above the balloon area which deflates the shaft instantly.

Once you’ve got your Intensity inserted, you power it on and choose a vibration level for your pleasure. You may find the wand-style powerful vibrations of that little rabbit buzzing away too much too soon on the eight thousand nerve fibers on your clitoris, so for less direct stimulation, move the rabbit ears away from the head of the clitoris. Next comes the PC muscle stimulation part, which sends an electric signal through the metal ‘probes’ on either side of the shaft. The metal surfaces do align perfectly with the PC muscles, and upon stimulation, they definitely contract and feel pulled upward and inward. It’s an unfamiliar feeling at first, but I did get used to it after a few times. It’s recommended to be used between 5-10 minutes, but for beginners, I would recommend less.


Kegels Without The Pulse

You can also use the Intensity without the metal contact pulses, and just leave it powered off, inside. It still helps you identify the PC muscles in this way, and you can also use the vibrations alone without the stimulation element. Remember to keep your breathing even and relaxed, and also try to relax your abdomen, buttocks and legs, so that you know you’re isolating the PC muscles. If you do this while looking in a mirror, you can view the contractions to make sure you’re doing it correctly.


Cleaning the Intensity is a snap since you can inflate the shaft fully. The accordion-like creases balloon out making it easy to wash thoroughly with soap or sex toy cleaner, and warm water.

Overall, I’m impressed with the Intensity. I love the science behind the unique muscle stimulation, the inflatable shaft, and the vibrations are truly on par with some of the most intense wand-style vibrators on the market! I also love that it’s made from body safe silicone, and the detailed literature that comes in the attractive package is very helpful.

Sexologist speaks on Intensity!

“In my practice, I continue to hear from clients an increase in muscle tightness, more intense orgasmic response, and; therefore, an increased sexual desire related to the direct use of Intensity”.

Madison Gulli, MS, MFT
Certified Clinical Sexologist
Las Vegas, NV

Intensity with The O-Shot!

“The health outcomes associated with a woman’s positive sexual experience are well documented. Procedures and treatments such as vaginal rejuvenation, hormone therapy and the O-Shot are frequently found to improve the female sexual response and these procedures are becoming more widely used.

Recently, providers who focus on female sexual health have integrated a new product into their arsenal, the Intensity device, as it has been found to further heighten the positive responses patient’s experience after completing sexual enhancement treatments.

Intensity is a revolutionary product that combines intimate dual vibration with muscle stimulation to tighten and tone the pelvic floor. This unique combination of features provides women with an extremely pleasurable experience, but with a purpose.”

See the full article here…

Vaginal Boot Camp? See what Dr. Thacker of the Cleveland Clinic has to say!


We have all heard about boot camp, wherein men and women who have recently joined the United States Army, Navy or Marine Corps receive intensive basic training, which is generally short, intensive, productive and life changing.

This “boot camp” lingo has been extended to some intensive exercise routines for women wanting to get in shape and have a drill sergeant or rather exercise coach keep them in line to achieve their goals.

We salute and respect our men and women in uniform and those that undergo real military boot camp. We have affectionately referred to our new pelvic floor program, which includes new FDA approved pelvic electrical stimulator devices as “Vaginal Boot Camp.” However, this “boot camp” is without all the blood, sweat, tears and separation from family and loved ones.


Kegel exercises are very important for women and you should have your women’s health care provider assess your pelvic tone at the time of your pelvic exam. Woman-seeing-a-doctor-2-article.Women should be taught to do these exercises PRIOR to pregnancyand during and after the pregnancy. Unfortunately, many women have very weak pelvic muscles which can lead to the following:

  • Urinary leakage
  • Pelvic prolapse
  • Decreased sexual function and trouble with achieving sexual climax (the pelvic muscles contract with climax)


Urinary leakage is a serious problem. The three types of urinary leakage are:

  1. Stress incontinence: involuntary leakage when one coughs or sneezes
  2. Urinary urge incontinence: involuntary urine leakage when one has urge to urinate, so called “overactive bladder”
  3. The dreaded and common mixed urinary leakage: the lucky lady that has both stress incontinence and urinary urge incontinence.

Urinary leakage is embarrassing, not a normal part of aging and is very common in women in part because of anatomy and the pelvic trauma of pregnancy and childbirth. The following can also influence the strength of the pelvic floor:

  • Genetic factors
  • Diet
  • Weight
  • Bowel function
  • Surgical procedures
  • Medical conditions

Treatment for Incontinence

There are prescription medications for overactive bladder and one over-the-counter Oxytrol patch, as well as surgical procedures for both conditions. But many women are looking for noninvasive options and do not want to use an app to find the closest bathroom or buy liners and even adult diapers to handle the leakage. In addition, some women (and men) can suffer with fecal incontinence (from damage/weakness of the anal sphincter), which can dramatically and negatively affect one’s life.Stimulator and Control unit.

There are several devices that can use after being custom fit by a women’s health specialist:

  • InTone for urge, mixed leakage and includes biofeedback.
  • InToneMV – a miniversion that is used anally for men with either urinary or fecal incontinence as well as women with fecal incontinence and/or in women vaginally with smaller vaginas who have urinary leakage.
    InToneMV Video demonstration
  • Apex – used for stress leakage as well as in women 6 weeks postpartum who want to strengthen their pelvic floor.
    Apex Video demonstration
  • ApexM – a striped down version of InTone that delivers the same 2 currents of electrical stimulation to both strengthen pelvic floor and also relax the detrusor bladder muscle.
  • Intensity device – a non-medical device which is very similar to Apex, but has clitoral vibrator. Interestingly, many women in the research studies who used InTone or Apex for urinary leakage therapy reported sexual climax during the 12 minute pelvic sessions and didn’t want to give back their devices!
    Intensity Video demonstration

In the future, an IntensityMV (a smaller version) should be available as some women have foreshortened vaginas from surgery and/or radiation and need a smaller device.

For women starting “vaginal boot camp,” they have to commit to 12 minutes of the pelvic electrical device stimulation daily for 6 days per week for at least 3-6 months until the underlying problem is resolved. Afterwards, women need to use the device at least weekly to keep the pelvic floor muscles welltoned.

Part of being strong, healthy and in charge is having a strong, healthy and well contracting pelvic floor! For more information, please download our free urinary incontinence guide.

Be Strong. Be Healthy. Be in Charge!

-Holly L. Thacker, MD

Pour Moi introduces affiliate program for people and businesses!

InControl Medical and Pour Moi are offering you the opportunity to create awareness about Apex and Intensity to your family and friends and receive cash when they purchase!

Here is how it works for individuals:

  • Share information about our products(ie., host a party, send an email or one-on-one communication)
  • Family and friends receive a discount off the product (ordered online with an affiliate code)
  • Affiliates (YOU) receive a check for the referral

Here is how it works for businesses:

  • Share information on your website about our products
  • Your customers receive a discount
  • Affiliates receive a check for the referral

Simply fill out the form below and we will contact you with the details!

October Special! $169 ($199 reg) for the next 100 orders of Intensity. 82 remaining 12 Days 14 Hours 5 Minutes 38 Seconds